Butterfly in my stomach

It's been about 1 year and 3 weeks since I've been "official" with the Sargent. And I can't control the butterfly in my stomach.

At times, I feel like I want to punch for his childish immature behaviour, but rest of the time. I'm just so happy.

I won't deny that there has been days I had my doubts. But at the moment, it's making it harder by day and night to not tell him I want to have a family with him.

The status of "marriage" means nothing to him, and being in a box scares me from time to time. But if he was to get down on his knees tomorrow, I would sign the paper on the day.

I'm not fussed on the big beautiful wedding, although I do fancy wearing a wedding dress. But I'm more excited to bear his child, and nurture them in my home.

I can see now why men are afraid of "commitment". I suppose girls are less result focused, and tend to tackle on the problem as it comes. Although the Sargent makes me feel the opposite in our role, where I'm the one who's afraid of being in a "box" of unknown. But having a relationship with someone who sees an indefinite future is nothing like being in a relationship based purely on personal preference. Whether it be sexual or hobby.

Family is a unit, it is not about who we are or what similarity we have as a person. It is a commitment to overcome any issues we may face.

The doctor and I had so many similarities in preference, and I can't ask for anyone better to have "fun", and I can't quite describe it any other way, but he makes me happy by always keeping me busy. Whereas the Sargent makes me happy by grounding me.

My butterfly may have taken it's time to come out of it's cocoon, but I can confidently say, that I cannot be happier about my life.