Time

I hate people that makes excuses for their life.

For me, a life is yours, it is in your control.

Other people can influence it,

Other people can try and change it,

But at the end of the day it is your life.

I was chatting to baby face today, we don't catch up as often as we should, or we like to these days. Over the last x years that we've known eachother, the only thing that has really changed is the fact that the word "assignments" got replaced by "projects" and the word "student allowance" got replaced by salaries.

But at the end of the day, nothing has really changed. Including the phrase

"I'm so envious of you, I want to have your ambition and courage"

The difference between him and I is that I like to see things, and yes, I am VERY fortunate that my parents are very open (unlike his). But I take appreciation in small discoveries of life. A 2 or even 3 day away from your city is still a new discovery for me. Or even taking a different turn on the road lets you see difference in life. I just stopped telling myself "there is not enough time"

Because really, you do.

Compared to him, I might seem like I've "done" more things, but the time spent on facebook each night., the time spent sitting in front of the TV, the time spent going to the malls. It's massive amount of time at the end of the day. Sure, money is a limitation, but not everything requires money, and I still don't feel like I've accomplished my life unless I go out.

Even half a day away, to a township 30 min away can still be an adventure, and that will take you what, 2 hours of the day?

The discoveries can even be in the home. When was the last time I picked up a book to appreciate my time? When was the last time I tried to learn new cooking? when was the last time I didn't touch cell phone or computer for a day?

I know for sure that I have very little concentration these days. I am definitely addicted to computers. Movies, TV streaming, reading blogs. Anything that doesn't worth anything.

Time and mind is the only limitation in life I find.

In few weeks, I'm moving to a new house, and I'm determined to make the most of the change over. Straighten up my life again.

After all, I will be 27 in very short time. And back when I was little, I thought 27 is fully grown adults, mature, know it all and everything. But I still feel like I'm not compatible of looking after myself too often.

Sick

When do you say you're too sick to go to work?

I think the answer is never.

There is no physical reason why you can't get up, but whether you can do anything productive, or not not be so infectious to other people is an another story.

I hate man flu....

"you don't know what you got til it's gone"

It's well said, but I never though I'd be the one who would feel like that although I'm the one who got dumped.

Now that you're far, I really notice now that you did care for me, and loved me, in a special way that you do.

But I never realised it til now, because it was the way you always treated me right from the beginning.

Because you always treated me in that way, I thought you're like that to all your friends.

But now I can see that I was wrong.

You did try your best out of the crap situations.

You were there for me when I was in need of help.

You were always so supportive of me.

What more did I want?


But I did want more. I wanted to be with someone that loves me all the time, not only at time when he's free. Someone to walk beside me. Someone to share my life with.

And he did do the right thing, if he's not ready or feel right to do so, it was the best to leave.

But it still leaves me with me an hollow heat, that only can be filled with him.

I miss the traces of you that doesn't exist anymore.


I was so blind on how much you cared for me, that I no longer saw the good sides of you.


I wonder sometimes, that I should just let everything go. No contact, no nothing, just so it'll be easier....

If he doesn't exist, then I don't know. And I won't get hurt.

Can I remove you from facebook? I don't want to know your life anymore. Because I know that one day, sooner than I would ever want to, there will be that special girl, in your special space, where I wanted to be.

It's a sad reality that facebook is counted as an official mode of communication. But it is, its the easiest announcement to the public, including those that you don't care.

I feel like I should deactivate the account, so I'm no longer bothered. And all those people I do care about, they are already connect to me one way or another.

Maybe it is an option when I move. new life, new location, new start.

I need to forget about you. I love you too much.