What's happening with me??

It seems as though I always get my blog inspiration at the weirdest times.... maybe it's becoming my habit to blog when there is time, and by meaning of when there is time = doing nothing i.e. now, when I'm waiting for the bus.

I have to say, I am not even slightly impressed about the fact that not am I facebook or chat dependent, I am COMPUTER dependent.  This never used to happen.... I used to be quite fine and happy not being able to access computer for about a week or whatever, but now it seems like I'm accessing it every time I have a slightest moment..... And quite often, I'm accessing it for the wrong reasons, like wasting my time rather than doing something productive like looking for a new place to live or writing a cover letter for job.

I'm totally missing my home though, not home as in Japan, but being able to have my own place, etc.  It's really gay to be crashing other people's place and taking care not to make a mess or be trouble to other people.  But at the same time, this is Auckland, it's almost impossible to find a place to live for a $100 or so.  And my poor savings are not going to be happy if I have to pay $200 for shared room in an apartment in CBD.  It's quite sad how there are places that is sharing a 2 bedroom place with 5-6 people, and recruiting a flatmate to live in the lounge.  Those places even have a nice warning saying "you need to be a deep sleeper as the fridge can be noisy at night".  Fun times..... I feel like I'm in an asian country although I'm stuck in NZ......

So what am I doing at a bus stop now?? Well, I'm off to Hamilton to see some family friends.  I actually wanted to go in the weekend so I will do productive stuff in the weekday and get my butt sorted, but NOOOOOO........  Speaking of which, I got a phone call from a new agent in Singapore yesterday, she is a family friend of my uncle.  And sure, she was cooperative enough, but what she was not listening to is that I WANT TO WORK IN A FOOD INDUSTRY!!  What part of that is i it hard to understand?? Sure, there are so many people in Japan that end up working in offices and have a boring life, but that ain't going to be mine!!

Prologue: Making the move

Ok, I finally got the time to write a blog entry on the website.  This was actually written on Friday 21st so bear that in mind....

So here I am, on the bus up to the Christchurch, leaving my old nest called Dunedin. 

This morning, Jack came around with his sleepy eyes for last farewell.  He gave me a hug and talks to me softly “I have a gift for you…….”.  In his hand was the Fish Hook necklace that he got given for his leaving gift and kept it on himself til now. 

Fish Hook – The fish hook signifies abundance and plenty, strength and determination. It is believed to bring peace, prosperity and good health. It is a device for catching good luck and energy, and is believed to provide safe journey over water

I look at him with a very pleasant surprise and “thank you so…..” then the Chemist came into the room yelling “I have a leaving gift for you~” with my favourite Taiwanese sweets.  The next second, I was hugging all over her saying “I looooove you~!!!!”………. Oh woops, sorry Jack, it does not mean that I’m less appreciative of your gift, in fact, I adore it, and it means so much to me.  But, but, but, it's THE Taiwanese sweets!!

Last week in Dunedin has been interesting.  There has been some dream come true, there has been some ambitions, farewells, and blasts.

I will be flying out of Nelson from Christchurch to visit the Chef, then off to Auckland.  The city of clouds.

Whether this trip up is going to be permanent or not, I still don’t know, but I have a mixed feeling about it, despite the fact I do want to get overseas, there is me who is driven by emotional feeling that I want to stay in NZ if Jack is to stay.  But it’s about time I have to stop taking a side step from my life by other people.

The last night was great, it was just how I expected to be.  The day passed just packing and sorting and the usual things you would do on last day before departure, but then there was the night time filled with Salsa, Zouk, Bachata, Meringue and Ceroc. 

I’m not even going to deny about how much of a show off I am.  I like the oohs and aaahs I get from other dancers as we burn the dance floor.  And as I tease Jack with a lunge in front of him with my hand sliding down his chest, the wolf whistle sings across the room.  I dip with my head and continue staring in his eyes as I slide my hand along his neck and stepping back into the beat, then I do a little turn to tell him he can’t catch me…. Oh and all the bachata!  All I needed to do is to close my eyes and sink into his rhythm… How much I loved it when he puts his hand oh my hips tapping along with the music.  The vibration from the tap travels throughout my bones and even tingles every strand of my hair.  The moment when he whispers into my ears “shhhh, just listen to the music” just melts my backbone, and all I ever want to do is to sway to the music and nothing else.  Throughout our salsa nights, we had so many compliments from other people about the way we danced, I know my compliments are purely to his effort.  I am going to miss being in his arms, and having mine around his.  There may be many great dancers out there, but there is only 1 Jack in the world, that nobody will ever replace that. 

I was originally going to put my dance shoes down and give my foot some time to recover for a while after last night.  But I just had a message from the Microbiologist aka my girl dance partner, to come out for Salsa/zouk/bachata tonight.  So I guess my dancing life is not going to be put at rest for a little while longer. 

Few days a go, I had a sudden call from my recruitment agent from Singapore, asking me is I was still looking for a job and if I’d be keen for an interview with the company that I applied for about 2.5 months a go.  The interview went ok, probably not the best I’ve ever had but not as bad as I’ve ever done either.  There is a possibility that if I hear back from them, then I may be in Singapore/Indonesia in about a month time.  Then I had a email on the same night that a company for 6 months Food technologist position is interested in interviewing me. And then yesterday, I had a phone call for an interview for 1 of the graduate program that I’ve applied for.  It’s funny how everything is all happening now.  I’m giving myself about a week or so for Singapore to get back to me, and if I’m crossing fingers that I’m not going to get myself any offers until they do.  I am just hoping that my life will settle down in short time....

A moment of happiness

A moment of happiness is when someone tells me that they like the food I made


A moment of happiness is when I turn around and see a baby giving me a big smile


A moment of happiness is when I'm filled with his scent


A moment of happiness is when I wake up in the morning and see the person I love sleeping beside me


A moment of happiness is when I find myself driving up to Signal Hill and looking over the city of Dunedin


A moment of happiness is when I hit that beat at the that right time


A moment of happiness is when I know that you are happy too


A moment of happiness is when I know that my family is healthy and safe


A moment of happiness is when I reach out for help, there is always a shoulder that I can lean on


A moment of happiness is when I find myself thinking about you


A moment of happiness is when I love myself for who I am




You know what? the moment of happiness is now, I have had or have everything that I mentioned above, so why should I look for more?  when I have or had so much already?

But we all have this bowl of greed, the older we get, the bigger the bowl gets, No matter how much we try and fill it, it does not fill right to the top, like if there is a hole on the bottom.

It's a pure greed that satisfy the human beings.

Humans are completely spoilt from the moment they are born. For all of our life, we seek and seek and seek for that absolute end of complete happiness. But then if we did reach that moment, then why would a life mean??

I had a conversation with Astronomer long long time a go, about the meaning of life as a whole.  He claimed that there is no meaning to a human existence, and it's a human arrogance that makes us think there is a point in living.  There is no meaning, that we don't even need to exist as a part of the life circle.  Sure, everything we do is going against the life circle, so why do we seek, why do we breathe, why did we even exist to begin with?? Is there is no point like he said??

Now, I'm not the most religious person on the planet, but I like to believe hat there is a meaning of life.  I'd like to believe that there are certain things on this world that flows in a certain direction whether we like to or not.  If something happens that doesn't quite make sense, or think it happened at a wrong timing, I'd say there was a reason why it happened at this particular point in time.   No matter how small or big our "destiny" is, I think it is our role as being born in this planet to fulfill that meaning.

So at the end of the life,  I want to say "I'm glad that I was born, and THIS is why I was born, and I am happy to have the life that I had".

Is this still greed?

X-day

So it's sorted....

I just booked a flight for Christchurch to Nelson and then Nelson to Auckland.  All I've got left to do is to book a bus from Dunedin to Christchurch....

So that's it... my time with Dunedin is done.  Just like that.  I'm not going to say I'm leaving with no regrets or pulled back feelings with this place.  After all, I'm still jobless and it is rather unstable.

But who would have thought there would be a day that I'd be in the city of big smokes?  I thought it would be one of the last place I'd live.

I've talked to my mother yesterday after not contacting her since Christmas/New years.  My brain was completely on the auto-reply mode, her words going in from 1 ear and out the other. And all I wanted to do was to hang up the phone.  At least when I leave Dunedin, I can use the excuse of no internet to avoid awkward conversations.  I really don't understand what part of "I don't belong in Japan" she doesn't understand.

In a way, I don't really know whether knowing people in Auckland is helping me motivate myself to move up.  I'm sort of in in a jumbled up mood where I feel like going somewhere where I completely don't know anybody or just 1 good friend.

I don't know what is waiting for me in Auckland but I guess I'll find out sooner or later...

Packing My Life

It's been raining all day today, and on top of that it was my blue day.  I get it once in a while.  For no particular reason, I feel sad and depressing, and all I want to do is to hide in my room.  But I had to pack, I only have few days to go in this house....

I always hated packing.

Not because it takes so long or the effort I have to put into it, but it feel quite lonesome every time I move.  Especially if I have to move cities.

When I pack, I always have to find the stuff I didn't want to see again, yet there is still me who can't throw them away.  Old photos, a wooden beaded bracelet that I made for him but took back after the break up, a necklace that I got given for Christmas....  I opened the box that the stuff was kept in for the first time in over a year and a half, and the discolouring of the necklace or the dusty scent on the bracelet gives me a reminder that so much time has gone passed since then.

I took the necklace out and put it on.... I still remember the time he brought them for me, and how I didn't want to take it off even at work.  But when I did put it on today, it just felt like a thick chain, chocking my neck, almost making me suffocate myself.  I was so close to throwing the whole thing away, and yet I still can't, even when I know for sure that there will never be a day that I'll put them on again.

My chapter in Dunedin is going to end in very short time.

I'm one of the last person left in Dunedin, and because there is hardly anybody here to miss me, me leaving this city almost makes me feel like the person called me is going to disappear all together, like I never existed in this town......




A lot of things happened in this place.




I came down here in 2007, nervous as hell, didn't know what to except.  I lived with 2 other girls, leaving parents place for the first time in my life.  Although the first half a year was not much else than getting used to the whole place and the university, I still made good friends, that I ended up spending my 3 years of university together with.  Despite how much I hated my study in 2007 and failed 3 papers and passing 4, the result is definitely not something to be proud of, but there was nobody else but myself to blame for.

First ski trip to Wanaka was in June with all the old high school friends, possibly the best week I could have had possibly spent. Then in August 2008,  I met my love of university and the other great friends that brightened up my years of University.  And we roadtripped with the gangs, and when we got back from the trip, me and my love (aka EuroTraining) got together at a ball and stayed together until 2009.

In 2008,  although I failed half of my papers in the previous year, I was given a permission to do a 2nd year paper along side all the re-do of my first year papers.  I made more friends in my department, who I spent almost every day together with whether there was any lectures or not, and lived with 2 of the greatest Malaysian girls.  One of them fed us with the most yummiest foods, and her character was so pleasing to live with.  And the other was so out going on the outside but so shy on the inside, but I definitely chose the best random flat to live in.

Then my parents decision to move back to Japan.  I still miss them heaps and wish constantly that they were in NZ.  Although Japan is my home country, my home in my heart is Tauranga, and I feel like a foreigner when I go back to Japan.

2009 was my toughest year, starting with the break up.  After a long time of being asked about my commitment, I was finally about to answer to EuroTraining that I want to be with him for ever, we broke up without a warning.  I turned my back on my dream to be with him, and we broke up.

I had nothing.......

Months of sleepless nights, loss of appetite, excessive socialising and studying, and depression, I thought my life meant nothing, and wanted to disappear forever.  I broke into tears if I ever run into him, yet I still looked for him with corner of my eyes.  The place we always studied together, his house, his friends place, computer labs, everywhere and anywhere.  But every time I saw him happy, I got a sharp pain reminding myself that he doesn't care about me anymore.

But eventually, I started walking on my own two feet, and started dancing.  I always loved Ceroc, but never managed to convince EuroTraining to dance with me hence why I didn't start dancing in Dunedin any earlier.  I didn't think I was going to be this addicted to dancing back then.  When I graduated the University and got the contract with the chocolate facotry,  I committed myself to compete in 2010.  This year, I also got to know BabyFace properly.  Although we've been "classmates" for over a year, we only talked to each other properly in this year, and he definitely enlightened my life. The number of late night movies,  and random walks, he made me feel like back in high school again.   I officially gained my minion.

In 2010, my best friend of 13 years got married.  it's still hard to believe that she is, but she is.  I got to be the honourable brides maid, and struggled to hide my tears throughout the ceremony.  She was the most beautiful bide I've ever met in my life.  We got to spend a whole week together before the wedding, and I felt so lonely to let go of my friend.  It almost felt like I was getting my friend taken away from me, but now I'm just so happy that she met her love of her life.

My life at the chocolate factory was interesting, got thrown into the deep end right from the beginning, but eventually found a way to float to the top.  I finally felt at ease to find people to hold a mature relationship with too.  Although I do adore my university friends, I still find myself more comfortable with the maturer working people standing on their own two feet.  Although whether every weekend of drinking and clubbing is called mature - that will be a hard question.....

2010 was filled with dancing, South Island Championship in April, followed by Otago Dance sport in August, East and South in September.  Days after days after days of practice, and so much fun.  Triples, Freestyle, Battle of the sexes, showcase, so much accomplished yet so much more to learn still....
And also meeting Jack. I would probably wouldn't have got to know him properly if I didn't dance.  Someone with a same passion and clicks so well.  Him and his addiction of salsa and bachata is definitely influential.

And now, it's 2011..... My 4 years of Dunedin is going to make a closure.  So much happened in the last 4 years, all the ups and downs of my life. Where to next? I still don't know.  All I know for sure is that in a short while, I will be leaving, with a suitcase, to open a book of new journey.....

Hypnotic Poision - Dior

Yesterday, me and Poet was out for coffee in town, and chatted away like we always do.  Life, future, "the perfect day", whatever that comes to our mind really.  Everything and anything.

I have this thing of liking to be in the corner, especially at cafes or restaurants, and yesterday was no different.  Until this couple sat right next to us.  Both with blond hair, in the late 20's and speaking with an English Accent - which sounded quite pleasant for some funny reason.  Now I have to say, I do think English accents are quite beautiful, but only so when it's used correctly.  I've never been the greatest fan of teenage or typical youth way of corrupted speaking.  Too much or too less accents can often ruin it too.  Only if everyone talked like they do in the movies - but yeah, that's a day dream.

It was Poet that recognised the scent originally.  As they sat down next to us, he leaned over close to me and whispered 

"is it just me, or does he smell AMAZING??"

I had to crack a giggle.  Indeed there was this beautiful scent swifting in the air as they sat down.  But funny enough, I recognised that there was 2 different scent, and not 1.  And I wondered which one he was talking about.

"Are you talking about HIS smell or HERS?? coz I'm loving hers"......

I must have look like a weird person, even when we continued to talk after they sat down, I was still puzzling my mind, trying to figure out the accords of this perfume. 

I thought it smelt like some fresh cut lilies and roses, still attached to the stem.  As for roes, it was not too strong like red, not sweet as white, and my image was a pale pink or yellow rose.  It was a very fresh scent like in the early morning with dew still on the petals, slowly vaporizing into the air as the sun came up.   I guess if you wanna simplify that term, it's also referred to as green - but I always think there are more than 1 word to describe scents.

While Poet left the seat as he got a phone call from his worrying parents at the airport giving him a last minute lectures before they flew back home, I had to ask....

"excuse me for this sudden question, but do you have any perfume on yourself by any chance??  because we were just discussing how amazing it smells"

She gave me a very cute smile with words of "well, thank you", and told me that it was this perfume....

I can't say I've ever heard of or seen this perfume before, but she even had the miniature bottle on herself, and as I was smelling it, Poet came back from the outside, and asked him if that was what he was smelling too, and it was.  So obviously it was HER that was smelling amazing, and not HIM.

I went online this morning, to find out what the notes of this perfume was.  One of the website defined the following

"It is categorized as an Oriental scent with a touch of vanilla. The base notes consist of sandal wood, vanilla, moss, jacaranda wood, and musk creating the mysteriously exotic foundation of this fragrance. The heart notes or middle notes include rose, lily of the valley, jasmine, and tuberose, creating a mixture of the signature scents of the original perfume with the exotic scents that are mesmerizing. The top notes consist of bitter almond, caraway, coconut, plum, apricot, and pimento which combine the lower notes into the primal and exotic scent of Hypnotic Poison."


I was quite pleasantly surprised to find out that jasmine was in it too, as i thought it didn't think the smell was as sweet as most jasmine based perfumes, but then saying that and now thinking back, that's probably what gave the kick into the notes.  I don't think I've met a perfume that is as refreshing as this without having citrus notes in it, and I LOVE IT.  To the point I'm almost tempted to go to the store and buy myself a bottle or tester on trademe so I won't get overloaded with perfumes that I can't use up....


Also, the word "orient" always makes me think.  It tends to be that the perfumes containing jasmine is often referred to as "orient",  but especially for this perfume, it makes me think of a french palace and some beautiful women, in middle of a rose garden with dresses.  A place where men can only observe from distance while the ladies gives a mysterious smile at them behind their fans, while hinting their sexual innocence...


Simply put, a classy seduction.....??