Phobia and Trauma

I'm keep getting flash back of my working life in Singapore.

As I stand in the lab, a meeting, or on my desk.

I can feel the fear coming onto me.

The fear of failure.

I feel like I can never do a thing right.

I used to be proud of myself, and now I'm just plainly scared.

I used to be happy when people rely on me.

I wonder if everyone goes through this phase.

Right now, I'm just dead scared.

I don't want to be where I was before. I want to hold my head up high.

I pray every night, that tomorrow will be another day, a safe day, without any mistakes.

I've been receiving a constant pressure every day.

ACCURACY is the company policy.

PRECISENESS is a demand, not an option.

Day by day, I pray for an another safe day. I just want to be normal again. I just want to be myself again.

Tied

You think when you get older you learn not to do stupid things anymore.

Yet, my brain still likes to play tricks.

Fall for the wrong guy, and miss the wrong guy.

I always ask myself,

"Why can't I just be satisfied with something "normal""

But I still go for the wrong options.

Knowing, that you were there, only a 10min drive away today, made me miss you a lot.

All I wanted, was just hop in the car and come see you, and come and hug you.

I thought seeing the less of you, talking the less to you, will eventually make me forget you.

But a life isn't simple like that.

Being away from you, made me realise how much I'm falling for you. And say the words you don't want me to hear.

I can't call you my partner, my boy friend, or a date.

Yet, I'm bound to you with an invisible rope.

It's not the red string like a fairy tail, but a rope, that straps me and doesn't want to untie itself....