Just living it

A day passes so quickly these days.

I wake up, go to work, come back home, exercise and sleep.

1 day at a time, it just ticks away.

And just like that, it has been a month ready.

A year with him went so quickly. Week by week, I could not wait for the days to end, so we can spend the weekend together. 

And now, it's just a counter to tell me how much I miss him. And to tell me that the chance of him coming back is becoming less and less.

In my head, I know he's not coming back. But I cannot help the feeling in my heart, that wants to go and hug him,  kiss him, and tell him how much I love him.

The solution to this problem is so simple. And he could easily take me back, any day he wanted to.

"But it's not what I want"

I know that's what he will tell me instead.

In few days he's coming home. But not into my arms.

I should have seen the signs, when even a holiday plans never had me in it. He never disagreed to me tagging along. But he never asked me to come along. 

I knew this would be how it ends.

I know the feeling of "He's the only man" will eventually go away.

I just wish that was now.

Pain

As we get older,  sometimes we get used to things we never wanted to get used to. 

like pain.

A pain of losing someone you love.

After 1 year and 14 days, he told me he loves me, but words weren't enough to show how he felt. And finally, we became official.

And that's how it ended.

I wanted this happiness to last longer. but for him, it was only good because he knows it's only temporary.

So I made a choice, to let go of that boy that I love so much, and love me back, just so I don't have to be in more pain, a year later when he leaves the country.

We left the house in the morning like nothing has ever happened. I took a few things with me that I wanted back, rest just sits there like any other day.

He kissed me goodbye like how he always does on the way to work. But only I knew that it will be the last kiss.

He said he's happy the way it is until the day comes. But I'm not.

I just love him that much.

I wish now that he never told me he loves me me. When he knows it's not forever.