The Power of Social Network

I've decided to make Sunday night the cell phone and social network free day.

The problem with social network is that it's a waste of time. It seriously is.

It's as bad as watching tv.

The time passes without doing much.

As much as I love having friends, and chatting friends, there are day that I have to say STOP to this social network madness.

When I start looking 1 thing on net, I want to look at another, and then another and so on...

I've forced myself to not think, do something mindless, and stop caring about technology (minus blogging, this is different).

And how much I feel better now.

The whole 2 weeks, I've been on the social network less and less. Just because I didn't want to know that you were online, and had enough time to play games, but you still decided that writing one line of

"Hi"

or

"Good morning, I hope you have a good day"

is too much.

I'm sick of waiting already. I know this isn't part of the deal, but even as a friend, I feel like crap.

she said to me

"maybe it's time to let go"

And there is part of me that agrees with her. I don't know how I feel about him. I don't have much faith in him coz of what happened last time. And whether I'm doing this now because of me doing an unfinished business or simply coz my heart tells me to.

Poet asked me before

"how do you always get into these situations?"

He was referring to something else, but I can relate this into that too. And I simply don't know.

And how I wish for once, I want to be with someone who simply loves me.

Silence

I look at the photo and how I wish it was me who was there.

I look at the photo and how I wish it was mine in your arms.

I look at the photo and can't help feeling the love for you.

Just wishing and wishing and wishing.....

It's been a long 2 weeks of silence. I know you are busy, and I know you have more than a bit on your hand.

But I can't ignore the feeling that gives me a sharp pain in my heart.

Telling me that I miss you too much.

I've learnt to ignore, and pretend I am ok.

But how I wish you noticed that I learnt it coz of you.

Young and Ruthless

I don't know how I survived my teenage years,

Everything was so much easier back then, and doing it now, it's just not the same....

I cannot say I miss the youth, but I definitely feel the age hitting our body once in a while.

The price we pay for a night of fun is a lot more than those glorious days...

Butterflies

I have a butterfly in my stomach telling me everything that I should be fluttering in the air.

Instead, I'm pretending that I'm not.

But secretly, in my dreams, I always am.

Sharing is Caring

Having someone you care close by doesn't just mean you get to share every moment with them.

It's not just about the cuddles, it's not just about the kisses,  it's about everything.

I missed you today when I was making the cookies.

I missed you today when I realised I didn't have some to tell how delicious the strawberries are, or the fact that I can't ask you if you want to taste one.

I thought I would be ok with not seeing you so frequent thing, but I guess at times like this, I wish I was never alone.

I definitely need to get a car, and I definitely have to find a way to occupy myself.

I don't want to be a burden to you, whether this works out or not. I still want to be your friend, on your side, when you are in smile or when you are in tears.

I am going to be the strong girl that I'm not.

But right now, I wish you were here to share the strawberries with me....

Phobia and Trauma

I'm keep getting flash back of my working life in Singapore.

As I stand in the lab, a meeting, or on my desk.

I can feel the fear coming onto me.

The fear of failure.

I feel like I can never do a thing right.

I used to be proud of myself, and now I'm just plainly scared.

I used to be happy when people rely on me.

I wonder if everyone goes through this phase.

Right now, I'm just dead scared.

I don't want to be where I was before. I want to hold my head up high.

I pray every night, that tomorrow will be another day, a safe day, without any mistakes.

I've been receiving a constant pressure every day.

ACCURACY is the company policy.

PRECISENESS is a demand, not an option.

Day by day, I pray for an another safe day. I just want to be normal again. I just want to be myself again.

Tied

You think when you get older you learn not to do stupid things anymore.

Yet, my brain still likes to play tricks.

Fall for the wrong guy, and miss the wrong guy.

I always ask myself,

"Why can't I just be satisfied with something "normal""

But I still go for the wrong options.

Knowing, that you were there, only a 10min drive away today, made me miss you a lot.

All I wanted, was just hop in the car and come see you, and come and hug you.

I thought seeing the less of you, talking the less to you, will eventually make me forget you.

But a life isn't simple like that.

Being away from you, made me realise how much I'm falling for you. And say the words you don't want me to hear.

I can't call you my partner, my boy friend, or a date.

Yet, I'm bound to you with an invisible rope.

It's not the red string like a fairy tail, but a rope, that straps me and doesn't want to untie itself....