Faith

My family is made up of 2 religions

1 - Russian Catholic

2 - Shinto

My grandmother and my uncle's family are all Russian Catholic, and my parents are Shinto and during my whole life, nobody ever tried to convict me into either of the religion.   Probably to keep the family circle peaceful I guess.

In aspect of Christianity, I can even count with my right hand how many times I've been to church in my whole life.  But there is something about the whole atmosphere about churches itself that I like and dislike at the same time.

Every time I step into a church, I admire the architecture and the very sacred feeling of the whole place.  When I went to France few years a go, I couldn't stop visiting every church that I saw when I was exploring through various towns.  There was even 1 incidence in Grasse in an old part of the town, where it stood one of the the oldest church in the area, called Notre Dame Du-puy. It was built on the cliff side which looks over the city, and the bell rings in the crisp morning air.  Under the church, is the stair cases leading into underground cave like room, which was lined with stone pavements.  It was so rocky that I remember wondering why the chairs balance up so nicely without clattering at all.  

It actually turns out that that room is where they held the services, and not in the actual big main church upstairs.  At that current point, my understanding of French language was "oui", "non", "bonjour" and "je ne sais pas", but the service started straight after I entered the room and it was too awkward to leave so I ended up staying.  Obviously, I didn't understand anything that the Priest was saying, but it turns out that it was a Roman catholic church. Although my grandmother was Russian Catholic, and the churches I've been to before this day was all Russian Catholic churches, the atmosphere of the environment felt some what familiar.  And when the prayer started, all I wanted to do was to cry.  It was not because it reminded me of my grandmother who has already passed away more than few years a go, but it was more in the feeling of being at ease and almost released by being in a place like that.  The only thing that was going in my head at the time was 

"Now I understand what my grandma was feeling when she went to the church".

At the same time, that is the reason why I don't like going to some churches - it makes me feel like a bad person.  It makes me feel bad for being in a place that feels so sacred, holy and pure, and yet there was I, who didn't have faith in Christianity.   It almost makes me feel dirty and sick and don't belong there.

So what is the point of this post??

Well tonight, I was invited over for a dinner at my friend's place down the road.  All of their family are Christian, and before every meal, they say their grace.  Today was no exception.  The oldest sister of the family said the grace, which included some phrases along the line of 

"thank you god for allowing us to get together today, and here we join us tonight is Himawari, who will be beginning her new journey, and please bless her for her safe journey and take care of her in the times ahead....." etc, etc

My memories aren't very good with words, and the original grace sounded much much better than this, but the point it, it made me want to cry again.  I felt so blessed and loved to have a good friend like them to care about me in such way.  And at that moment, I really wanted to thank her really badly for being so considerate, and I really really appreciated her for asking for blessing by god, and I actually do feel like I'm ready to take the new step into the new world now.

I may be one of the furtherest person from being a Christian, but I cannot express how fortunate I feel to be born on into this world.   

And to the greater power that protects us all, thank you...