I'm keep getting flash back of my working life in Singapore.
As I stand in the lab, a meeting, or on my desk.
I can feel the fear coming onto me.
The fear of failure.
I feel like I can never do a thing right.
I used to be proud of myself, and now I'm just plainly scared.
I used to be happy when people rely on me.
I wonder if everyone goes through this phase.
Right now, I'm just dead scared.
I don't want to be where I was before. I want to hold my head up high.
I pray every night, that tomorrow will be another day, a safe day, without any mistakes.
I've been receiving a constant pressure every day.
ACCURACY is the company policy.
PRECISENESS is a demand, not an option.
Day by day, I pray for an another safe day. I just want to be normal again. I just want to be myself again.
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Friday, December 14, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Misunderstanding
Ever since day 1 of work, my impressions of my workmates were that they were scared of me. They treated me like a zoo animal, and wasn't too sure what to do with me or how to treat me. They won't make an eye contact, they will talk to eachother before they will talk to me, they won't talk to you about anything but will happily chit chat away, ignoring you.
I tried to communicate, I tried to engage, I tried to make myself accepted. But nothing worked.
First of all, for those of you who have never heard of Singlish before, Singlish is a very hard sounding language. It is not English, but it is Singlish. The basic rule is to drop every word except the main key word and use the most simplest words possible. And some words are used in the context that is never used in any English speaking country. For example, the word "NEVER" is often and too often used in the wrong context. My boss came up to me and said
"Himawari, why you never clean up"
but what this really means is
"Himawari, you still haven't cleaned up the element after you used it" (which I used to cook lunch and missed a spot".
The word NEVER according to Oxford English dictionary, it means
Which is same as my understanding of the English word never. But over here, is used too frequently in forms of "not yet" or "still have not" or just plain "didn't ". Another example being "Why you never wash?" which means "Why didn't you clean?". Although I am slowly learning Singlish wether to my liking or not, I still do get annoyed if someone stomps up at me and tells me "why you never clean up". I do clean up, and I did clean up, I just missed a spot. But does the words need to be so sharp tongued?
So anyway, apparently my colleagues thought that "Accepting" the difference is a good way to to go. So they just "accepted" my behaviour which may be normal to me but offensive to them, an and "accepted" any use of language they don't understand, and expected me to do the same. Well now the problem with this "accepting" is that the core is not solved at all. Because they "accept", I don't know that they don't understand, and even if I did know, if they give me responses like
"oh ok"
And end of story, I don't bother interacting after a while, coz I don't see the point in the end. They say I am too straight forward, and I say they wind the road so much that I just wanna say
"So what's your point?"
And we did exactly that tonight.
No yelling, no shouting, but pure honesty. And she feels so relieved that that she finally got to say it out loud, and I finally feel relieved that they do have a mouth to say anything.
It makes me laugh in a way that they thought I would feel "accepted" if they don't talk to me or talk back to me or feel happy if they just talk together very very friendly to eachother and boring plain manners to me. I wanted to engage to my colleagues in the ways of "all excuses excused". I do have a snarky sense of humor, and I don't show it at work, that's coz I know that with their english skills, they will take it as an offense, or too much slang. That is my way of "accepting" them. I don't try and make things awkward. I don't rub them in my face that my English is better, or the fact that there is a better world out there, or the fact about how crap he life style is over here.
I don't know how many times I've told them to say what they want to say, or try and communicate if you want to have another view, and it took them bloody 11 months and an late night OT to the point they don't give a crap, and myself having 2 weeks left so they really don't give a crap about how ugly things will turn out at the end, to finally get some honest opinion. And it's so god damn easier to work now that we got everything down on the table.
I only wish that this happened back in May, when I first came back from Jakarta. Then maybe I would have liked Singapore a little more. I still absolutely hate the English here, and it sounds rude, but I could have gotten over that only if I had a good company.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" (How can I help?)
"WHY YOU NEED?" (how quickly do you need them?)
"YOU WANT OR NOT?" (would you like some?)
"ARGH? WHY YOU TAKE?" (Sorry, but this is for something/someone else)
"aGL)?!ete´®®˚µœø√ˆ©¥ƒ∂πP('(+Oæπø¥¡©N(&R#)'$U&??" (What ever they are saying in Mandarin)
*The capital letters are used, as they like to emphasize and say these words in the bluntest way possible in life
Singlish, I will hate you for life, but finally, 8 days before my last day of work, day 329 Since I started work, I finally feel like I can like my work.
I tried to communicate, I tried to engage, I tried to make myself accepted. But nothing worked.
First of all, for those of you who have never heard of Singlish before, Singlish is a very hard sounding language. It is not English, but it is Singlish. The basic rule is to drop every word except the main key word and use the most simplest words possible. And some words are used in the context that is never used in any English speaking country. For example, the word "NEVER" is often and too often used in the wrong context. My boss came up to me and said
"Himawari, why you never clean up"
but what this really means is
"Himawari, you still haven't cleaned up the element after you used it" (which I used to cook lunch and missed a spot".
The word NEVER according to Oxford English dictionary, it means
adverb
1at no time in the past or future; not ever:
2not at all:
So anyway, apparently my colleagues thought that "Accepting" the difference is a good way to to go. So they just "accepted" my behaviour which may be normal to me but offensive to them, an and "accepted" any use of language they don't understand, and expected me to do the same. Well now the problem with this "accepting" is that the core is not solved at all. Because they "accept", I don't know that they don't understand, and even if I did know, if they give me responses like
"oh ok"
And end of story, I don't bother interacting after a while, coz I don't see the point in the end. They say I am too straight forward, and I say they wind the road so much that I just wanna say
"So what's your point?"
And we did exactly that tonight.
No yelling, no shouting, but pure honesty. And she feels so relieved that that she finally got to say it out loud, and I finally feel relieved that they do have a mouth to say anything.
It makes me laugh in a way that they thought I would feel "accepted" if they don't talk to me or talk back to me or feel happy if they just talk together very very friendly to eachother and boring plain manners to me. I wanted to engage to my colleagues in the ways of "all excuses excused". I do have a snarky sense of humor, and I don't show it at work, that's coz I know that with their english skills, they will take it as an offense, or too much slang. That is my way of "accepting" them. I don't try and make things awkward. I don't rub them in my face that my English is better, or the fact that there is a better world out there, or the fact about how crap he life style is over here.
I don't know how many times I've told them to say what they want to say, or try and communicate if you want to have another view, and it took them bloody 11 months and an late night OT to the point they don't give a crap, and myself having 2 weeks left so they really don't give a crap about how ugly things will turn out at the end, to finally get some honest opinion. And it's so god damn easier to work now that we got everything down on the table.
I only wish that this happened back in May, when I first came back from Jakarta. Then maybe I would have liked Singapore a little more. I still absolutely hate the English here, and it sounds rude, but I could have gotten over that only if I had a good company.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" (How can I help?)
"WHY YOU NEED?" (how quickly do you need them?)
"YOU WANT OR NOT?" (would you like some?)
"ARGH? WHY YOU TAKE?" (Sorry, but this is for something/someone else)
"aGL)?!ete´®®˚µœø√ˆ©¥ƒ∂πP('(+Oæπø¥¡©N(&R#)'$U&??" (What ever they are saying in Mandarin)
*The capital letters are used, as they like to emphasize and say these words in the bluntest way possible in life
Singlish, I will hate you for life, but finally, 8 days before my last day of work, day 329 Since I started work, I finally feel like I can like my work.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
F****D it up BIG Time
When I woke up this morning, I was tempted to take an MC. Why? coz I was mentally and physically not recovered from over working the week before. And I had a feeling I'll f**k something up if I go to work like this.
And I did.
I already f****d up big time last week x2, and again on Monday, when people I guess should be refreshed from having a break over the weekend. But when you are at the workplace where you are not allowed to go home because everyone else is working, and you are expected to work late to "help" others if they are still working, then things really start to get out of hand. We should be able to choose how we work the best, but there is only 1 right way at my work at the moment.
I like to go home on time, so next day, I come to work refreshed, not dragging myself to it coz I have to.
I'm supposed to be working harder than ever this month and next, so I can get a tracked record of being a "good" employee. But doing the opposite at the moment. It even got to the point when my boss told me she can't keep me if I keep on f***ing up like this. In the very asian manner that is, a really long lecture that you gotta read what the point of the story is.
People def lose concentration when you're tired, and I'm at that point. It's not very often for me to be out of energy to the point I don't want to talk to anyone. And I've hit that point now. I just wanna sleep all day, spend the day in the sun, or be in the arm of a loved one, but I get none. And it's time like this I have to have a visitor, so I can't even have my own time in the weekend. And next weekend there will be another, and the weekend to follow... yeah lucky me aye.
I think MC'S should be granted to those who have mental problems, coz I would def qualify for that right now.
And I did.
I already f****d up big time last week x2, and again on Monday, when people I guess should be refreshed from having a break over the weekend. But when you are at the workplace where you are not allowed to go home because everyone else is working, and you are expected to work late to "help" others if they are still working, then things really start to get out of hand. We should be able to choose how we work the best, but there is only 1 right way at my work at the moment.
I like to go home on time, so next day, I come to work refreshed, not dragging myself to it coz I have to.
I'm supposed to be working harder than ever this month and next, so I can get a tracked record of being a "good" employee. But doing the opposite at the moment. It even got to the point when my boss told me she can't keep me if I keep on f***ing up like this. In the very asian manner that is, a really long lecture that you gotta read what the point of the story is.
People def lose concentration when you're tired, and I'm at that point. It's not very often for me to be out of energy to the point I don't want to talk to anyone. And I've hit that point now. I just wanna sleep all day, spend the day in the sun, or be in the arm of a loved one, but I get none. And it's time like this I have to have a visitor, so I can't even have my own time in the weekend. And next weekend there will be another, and the weekend to follow... yeah lucky me aye.
I think MC'S should be granted to those who have mental problems, coz I would def qualify for that right now.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Things To Do List
Alright, I tend to think I know what I want and where I am going waaaaay too much more than I ACTUALLY know. And also, I also have this tendency that I figure out my position and where I stand while I talk to someone. I know, I'm just good at looking like I standing on my left two feet.
So this week was the fist week I ACTUALLY worked. It sounds pretty stupid that after a whole 7 moths that I'm finally standing on my starting line. I'm at the point of challenge that I was faced with in the chocolate factory days after a whole 7 months.
My boss at the chocolate factory used to tell me "a graduate will take half a year to train, but an experienced will take 2 moths". And guess what happened? I didn't take not only 6 month but 7 instead. It is true that my 4 months was completely wasted on QC, and I know in my mind that QC is utterly important, and it is something that someone has to do keep our trust between our business partners and us. But it's just not my thing, and that 4 months as a QC was just a WASTE. You can call it as an "experience" but it's not something I aim for or enjoy, therefore a WASTE. And work does dominate like 80% of our lives whether we like it or not. And coz of that, it is important to like or find a point in what we do every day.
So pretty much put everything aside, I am back to month 3 of my work, and I'm FINALLY doing what I wanted to do, and doing a job which I left my loving home for. I don't want to cry about my work anymore. I want to make a mark on this country and leave. I know for a fact that this job I currently have will help me in my future career, and I'm on the stepping ladder.
So here is my things to do list before I leave this country
1. Be a professional business partner. It is not YOUR customer, but OUR business partner. I need to build a bridge of communication that everyone does not have. You provide me with the direct information of the market, and WE are going to make this happen.
2. Make a seasoning that hit the market. So I know that I am NOT a loser, and I rely on my data, not what I like, or what I think it's the best, but what the market wants. To show that this is my CAREER, not my hobby. Nobody gives a crap what I like, but this is all about making something that sells.
3. My deadline is 1 year, if not a half. Mr Bonus, you better watch it, coz I'm giving you all I got even if that means I have absolutely no life.
Shit work place? that's beside the point, I know I am a strong person, and I've been a wimp til now, but I'm back on my two feet, and I AM GOING TO DO THIS. France is my next stop and this is just an obstacle, but in the long time, it will be one of my step. So goodbye my life, and hello my work-a-holic presence.
So this week was the fist week I ACTUALLY worked. It sounds pretty stupid that after a whole 7 moths that I'm finally standing on my starting line. I'm at the point of challenge that I was faced with in the chocolate factory days after a whole 7 months.
My boss at the chocolate factory used to tell me "a graduate will take half a year to train, but an experienced will take 2 moths". And guess what happened? I didn't take not only 6 month but 7 instead. It is true that my 4 months was completely wasted on QC, and I know in my mind that QC is utterly important, and it is something that someone has to do keep our trust between our business partners and us. But it's just not my thing, and that 4 months as a QC was just a WASTE. You can call it as an "experience" but it's not something I aim for or enjoy, therefore a WASTE. And work does dominate like 80% of our lives whether we like it or not. And coz of that, it is important to like or find a point in what we do every day.
So pretty much put everything aside, I am back to month 3 of my work, and I'm FINALLY doing what I wanted to do, and doing a job which I left my loving home for. I don't want to cry about my work anymore. I want to make a mark on this country and leave. I know for a fact that this job I currently have will help me in my future career, and I'm on the stepping ladder.
So here is my things to do list before I leave this country
1. Be a professional business partner. It is not YOUR customer, but OUR business partner. I need to build a bridge of communication that everyone does not have. You provide me with the direct information of the market, and WE are going to make this happen.
2. Make a seasoning that hit the market. So I know that I am NOT a loser, and I rely on my data, not what I like, or what I think it's the best, but what the market wants. To show that this is my CAREER, not my hobby. Nobody gives a crap what I like, but this is all about making something that sells.
3. My deadline is 1 year, if not a half. Mr Bonus, you better watch it, coz I'm giving you all I got even if that means I have absolutely no life.
Shit work place? that's beside the point, I know I am a strong person, and I've been a wimp til now, but I'm back on my two feet, and I AM GOING TO DO THIS. France is my next stop and this is just an obstacle, but in the long time, it will be one of my step. So goodbye my life, and hello my work-a-holic presence.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Italian or Asian....?
So I went to explore little more of my surrounding environment, and found a fabulously amazing supermarket that sells products easily available in NZ. So instead of making asian style dinner; as I have been doing for most of my month in Jakarta, I decided to make a fancy Italian for change!!
Eggplants, courgetts, mushrooms, yellow capsicums, tomatoes, cannelloni beans, cooked with fresh garlic (what a pity I didn’t have any fresh basil or olive oil!). Grilled chicken breast, water cress salad and garlic bread on the side!! Now I was ULTRA happy.
But the funny thing is, besides the different combination of vegetables, it is hardly any different to what I’ve been cooking for my asian meals – garlic, salt and vege. But having a different combination of vegetables was already enough to make this tasty dinner taste like Italian, not Asia. And it is AMAZING what small things like that can influence culture and flavour perception of food.
At the end of the day, that’s what my job is all about. Creating a seasoning – a flavour to enhance the appetite of customers of various country, religion, ethnicity, gender and culture. For me, a simple difference in food like this puts me in utterly good mood. When I have a good meal that is exactly how I wanted, I am happier than ever – almost as happy if I’ve been dancing the whole night non stop.
In the past week or so, I’ve been training myself to know the different flavours used in this country, both artificial and natural. Some of the ingredients are really good quality that even the diluted flavour for profiling makes me hungry. But then when it comes to trying the finished product, I’m not even slightly motivated to eat. More closer to hesitating to eat actually. Now I’m just wondering, does this feeling come from the fact that I’m just not familiar yet, or I’m just stubbornly in love with the “real flavours” I guess I’ll find out once I start making my own seasoning!! Knowing the core ingredients are definitely important though, the more I understand the individual flavours, more am I inspired to apply that ingredient in my cooking. Now what a shame that I haven’t been getting that inspiration over with seasoning alone.....
Oh well, at least I’m starting to like my work. A month and a half since I’ve started work with this company, I finally understand what my future road is going to look like.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
The clock is ticking
Run, run, run, run faster!!
That's exactly what I feel like at the moment. I feel like I'm being rushed to do everything now. Being in a room full of cardboard boxes and all, I should really get into the mindset that I'm actually leaving this country, and I have to get myself sorted.
It's funny to think that this place, this country that I've lived in for the past 15 years is not going to be a home in a week or so. Some great memories to be treasured and some painful memories that I want to bury. It's full of my life.
So Singapore huh?? Who ever thought I would be in a country like that?? Will this job take me to where I want to go? I don't know, I guess I will find out one way or the other.
I just got an email from my agent last night telling me that my Visa is approved and my contract is attached, they want me over ASAP. I was definitely getting myself scared reading through the contract. I feel like yelling "yikes, what did I get myself into???". Forget about dancing, forget about exploring, I better stick my head right in there otherwise I'm going to lose my job - that's what it pretty much says on my contract. Oh, and apparently no matter how long I've been working with the company, I'm only going to get a maximum of 14days annual leave. Yay, half of what we get in NZ.
I came back to this sleepy little town of Dunedin on Wednesday night and hit ceroc straight away, and it felt so good. To be on the dance floor that I know so well and my feet just glides along the surface and not even having to think about how to dance, it just feel so great. And also at Salsa social last night, people were happy to see me again, telling me that they missed our dancing, although I never quite liked the whole "community" feeling, I'm really liking it at this point in time. I guess going to Auckland for a short while was kinda good. It slightly prepared me in the way of what is expected for being in an unfamiliar place and all. But then saying that, I was already feeling some stress up there although I have few friends and other people I know up there. So when I get to Singapore with only 1 person that I know well is going to make things very interesting. At the same time, if he's going through the same stress as well, it can't be the brightest idea to lean on him, I don't want to make things worse.
Right, I have to stop blogging, it's time for me to pack my life for good.
That's exactly what I feel like at the moment. I feel like I'm being rushed to do everything now. Being in a room full of cardboard boxes and all, I should really get into the mindset that I'm actually leaving this country, and I have to get myself sorted.
It's funny to think that this place, this country that I've lived in for the past 15 years is not going to be a home in a week or so. Some great memories to be treasured and some painful memories that I want to bury. It's full of my life.
So Singapore huh?? Who ever thought I would be in a country like that?? Will this job take me to where I want to go? I don't know, I guess I will find out one way or the other.
I just got an email from my agent last night telling me that my Visa is approved and my contract is attached, they want me over ASAP. I was definitely getting myself scared reading through the contract. I feel like yelling "yikes, what did I get myself into???". Forget about dancing, forget about exploring, I better stick my head right in there otherwise I'm going to lose my job - that's what it pretty much says on my contract. Oh, and apparently no matter how long I've been working with the company, I'm only going to get a maximum of 14days annual leave. Yay, half of what we get in NZ.
I came back to this sleepy little town of Dunedin on Wednesday night and hit ceroc straight away, and it felt so good. To be on the dance floor that I know so well and my feet just glides along the surface and not even having to think about how to dance, it just feel so great. And also at Salsa social last night, people were happy to see me again, telling me that they missed our dancing, although I never quite liked the whole "community" feeling, I'm really liking it at this point in time. I guess going to Auckland for a short while was kinda good. It slightly prepared me in the way of what is expected for being in an unfamiliar place and all. But then saying that, I was already feeling some stress up there although I have few friends and other people I know up there. So when I get to Singapore with only 1 person that I know well is going to make things very interesting. At the same time, if he's going through the same stress as well, it can't be the brightest idea to lean on him, I don't want to make things worse.
Right, I have to stop blogging, it's time for me to pack my life for good.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
$12.10
$4.50 for the internet at internet cafe, and rest for scanning and printing....... $12.10 is the price I pay for my new future in Singapore!!
Yes, I said it, I'M GOING TO SINGAPORE!!
I'm actually still mildly surprised myself that I haven't written this post any earlier considering I've got the job offer on Saturday. Then saying that, it has been rather busy since then (Like spa party and Zoo!).
I spent the whole afternoon filling out all the tiny details for Visa application today. Although it was only 6 pages long, it took me ages. I kept checking and checking that I got nothing wrong. But I still can't believe it, I'm actually going to Singapore.
You know, these things always sounds like a dream, but I took that extra step to make the difference from "I with I could....." to "I am going to do this"
Sure, rather than "Please overseas person, work for us, we need your skills" job offer, I'm going over there as an apprentice starting from scratch, so the terms and conditions are not great. But it sure is going to scrape off any arrogance off me and strip me naked.
Speaking of terms and conditions, the situation changed so much since I first applied for this work, and now I'm slightly scared that I may not get small things like medical insurance.
I know, I'm a bit of a paranoia. I'm good at pretending to look like I'm ok with whatever that comes and tackle it, but the fact is, I do A LOT of back ground check before I move. But the funny thing is that I only do it AFTER I decide where to go etc. So here I am, looking through so many websites and books about Singapore and Indonesia. I think by reading up before I go and expect the worst case scenario, and if anything turns out to be not as bad as it seems, then at least it can only get better from there.
Internets are handy for looking up information, but at the same time, some information can be so old that you don't know if you should trust it still. I spent couple of hours at a book store today, and found so many books on Singapore and not even 1 specifically on Indonesia other than Bali. So that's going to be great.... But 1 book that roughly talked about indonesia had whole 2 pages on type of vaccinations I should taje before I go. Freaked out enough??
When I was reading Poet's post last night, it kinda freaked me out a little, about making the big move and all. I'm relaxed in a funny way like "meh, things will work out the way it will", but seeing Poet freaked out like that and knowing he's even more laid back than me (except when he's walking in random places late at night), I was thinking
If he's originally from that side of the country and that freaked out, am I going to survive??
At time like this, I should just tell myself "meh, I'm adaptable"
Adaptable - that's the word that was described by my boss at the choc factory. And you know what? I think she was quite right. My parents always told me that I would be the child of the family that even if the plain crashed in middle of the jungle, I'd the person who would definitely survive. So yeah, I should stop worrying too much....
I had a chance of chatting to Poet just before, and it was a huge relief to hear that he's calmed down and liking his job/place now. He also told me yesterday that he's going to be going to Israel and England for training. Absolutely jealous for both countries! It's a shame that he'll be departing prob at about same time or bit before I get to Singapore. It would really have been nice to have a familiar place in a new place. But oh well, I guess I will be off to Indonesia after few days or so too.
Anyway, I should really get some sleep. Another long day tomorrow and I'm hoping my poor knee will like me enough to let me go dancing.
Good night world.
xox
Yes, I said it, I'M GOING TO SINGAPORE!!
I'm actually still mildly surprised myself that I haven't written this post any earlier considering I've got the job offer on Saturday. Then saying that, it has been rather busy since then (Like spa party and Zoo!).
I spent the whole afternoon filling out all the tiny details for Visa application today. Although it was only 6 pages long, it took me ages. I kept checking and checking that I got nothing wrong. But I still can't believe it, I'm actually going to Singapore.
You know, these things always sounds like a dream, but I took that extra step to make the difference from "I with I could....." to "I am going to do this"
Sure, rather than "Please overseas person, work for us, we need your skills" job offer, I'm going over there as an apprentice starting from scratch, so the terms and conditions are not great. But it sure is going to scrape off any arrogance off me and strip me naked.
Speaking of terms and conditions, the situation changed so much since I first applied for this work, and now I'm slightly scared that I may not get small things like medical insurance.
I know, I'm a bit of a paranoia. I'm good at pretending to look like I'm ok with whatever that comes and tackle it, but the fact is, I do A LOT of back ground check before I move. But the funny thing is that I only do it AFTER I decide where to go etc. So here I am, looking through so many websites and books about Singapore and Indonesia. I think by reading up before I go and expect the worst case scenario, and if anything turns out to be not as bad as it seems, then at least it can only get better from there.
Internets are handy for looking up information, but at the same time, some information can be so old that you don't know if you should trust it still. I spent couple of hours at a book store today, and found so many books on Singapore and not even 1 specifically on Indonesia other than Bali. So that's going to be great.... But 1 book that roughly talked about indonesia had whole 2 pages on type of vaccinations I should taje before I go. Freaked out enough??
When I was reading Poet's post last night, it kinda freaked me out a little, about making the big move and all. I'm relaxed in a funny way like "meh, things will work out the way it will", but seeing Poet freaked out like that and knowing he's even more laid back than me (except when he's walking in random places late at night), I was thinking
If he's originally from that side of the country and that freaked out, am I going to survive??
At time like this, I should just tell myself "meh, I'm adaptable"
Adaptable - that's the word that was described by my boss at the choc factory. And you know what? I think she was quite right. My parents always told me that I would be the child of the family that even if the plain crashed in middle of the jungle, I'd the person who would definitely survive. So yeah, I should stop worrying too much....
I had a chance of chatting to Poet just before, and it was a huge relief to hear that he's calmed down and liking his job/place now. He also told me yesterday that he's going to be going to Israel and England for training. Absolutely jealous for both countries! It's a shame that he'll be departing prob at about same time or bit before I get to Singapore. It would really have been nice to have a familiar place in a new place. But oh well, I guess I will be off to Indonesia after few days or so too.
Anyway, I should really get some sleep. Another long day tomorrow and I'm hoping my poor knee will like me enough to let me go dancing.
Good night world.
xox
Thursday, December 23, 2010
First English Blog
So here it is, my first blog in English.
Whether I'll ever show this to people I know, I don't know. But Poet managed to make me want to write in English rather than in Japanese like I always used to.
I guess it's kind of good as I don't have to hold back on what to write like I have to with Facebook these days as way too many people are using them.
So today is the day for my new journey.
I've officially left my work which I've been working for the past 1 year and 10 days. To be totally honest, I didn't want to leave. The fact that I'm finishing work on the same day as the last day of operation for the company this year, this day is feeling more unreal than ever. I still feel like I'm going to walk back into my office when the 2 week break is over. Just like everybody else.
But the fact is, it's not going to happen.
I'm done.
I've been getting ready for this day for the last month or so. And I hated it. Letting go of all my loving products, colleagues, everything that has been my life for the past year and 10 days. I have had to let everything go.
I suppose I should be excited for the new journey, but I'm not. I wanted to be given a choice to leave, not because I had to.
It's almost Christmas, and I have nothing. No family, no partner, no job. I feel like absolute crap. Everyone in the house packing their gifts, bags, and getting ready to either see their loved ones or to start a new journey. And I'm stuck here. I have to move out in a week, and I don't even know where. Sure, people have offered me to crash at their place, but do I really want to live like that?
I want a life, I want a future, I have ambitions, I want my life to be controlled by me.
Yes, I do have 2 company that I'm waiting to heard back from. And yes, they are both very attractive in 2 different ways, and I do have friends that will keep me company whichever choice I decide to take. But there is something in me, that's giving me the doubt, that I won't get either of the jobs. But other than my long term goal of wanting to be a perfumer, my overall ambition for anything else is low.
On top of that, it really doesn't help that I don't feel like I've finished my current work. And it's making me really demotivated about everything.
I'm really grateful that all of my friends has been supporting me. But I feel empty, lifeless like I'm going through a relation break up.
I guess I did love my work. And hence why I'm having this feeling.
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oh great, just had a call from my agent for 1 of the job
Telling me they can't get hold of the manager and they don't even know if they can even get hold of the manager.
Just screw it,
honestly, SCREW IT.
Whether I'll ever show this to people I know, I don't know. But Poet managed to make me want to write in English rather than in Japanese like I always used to.
I guess it's kind of good as I don't have to hold back on what to write like I have to with Facebook these days as way too many people are using them.
So today is the day for my new journey.
I've officially left my work which I've been working for the past 1 year and 10 days. To be totally honest, I didn't want to leave. The fact that I'm finishing work on the same day as the last day of operation for the company this year, this day is feeling more unreal than ever. I still feel like I'm going to walk back into my office when the 2 week break is over. Just like everybody else.
But the fact is, it's not going to happen.
I'm done.
I've been getting ready for this day for the last month or so. And I hated it. Letting go of all my loving products, colleagues, everything that has been my life for the past year and 10 days. I have had to let everything go.
I suppose I should be excited for the new journey, but I'm not. I wanted to be given a choice to leave, not because I had to.
It's almost Christmas, and I have nothing. No family, no partner, no job. I feel like absolute crap. Everyone in the house packing their gifts, bags, and getting ready to either see their loved ones or to start a new journey. And I'm stuck here. I have to move out in a week, and I don't even know where. Sure, people have offered me to crash at their place, but do I really want to live like that?
I want a life, I want a future, I have ambitions, I want my life to be controlled by me.
Yes, I do have 2 company that I'm waiting to heard back from. And yes, they are both very attractive in 2 different ways, and I do have friends that will keep me company whichever choice I decide to take. But there is something in me, that's giving me the doubt, that I won't get either of the jobs. But other than my long term goal of wanting to be a perfumer, my overall ambition for anything else is low.
On top of that, it really doesn't help that I don't feel like I've finished my current work. And it's making me really demotivated about everything.
I'm really grateful that all of my friends has been supporting me. But I feel empty, lifeless like I'm going through a relation break up.
I guess I did love my work. And hence why I'm having this feeling.
................................
..........................
......................
..................
...............
............
..........
........
......
....
...
..
..
.
.
oh great, just had a call from my agent for 1 of the job
Telling me they can't get hold of the manager and they don't even know if they can even get hold of the manager.
Just screw it,
honestly, SCREW IT.
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