First English Blog

So here it is, my first blog in English.

Whether I'll ever show this to people I know, I don't know.  But Poet managed to make me want to write in English rather than in Japanese like I always used to.

I guess it's kind of good as I don't have to hold back on what to write like I have to with Facebook these days as way too many people are using them.

So today is the day for my new journey.

I've officially left my work which I've been working for the past 1 year and 10 days.  To be totally honest, I didn't want to leave.  The fact that I'm finishing work on the same day as the last day of operation for the company this year, this day is feeling more unreal than ever.  I still feel like I'm going to walk back into my office when the 2 week break is over.  Just like everybody else.

But the fact is, it's not going to happen.

I'm done.

I've been getting ready for this day for the last month or so.  And I hated it.  Letting go of all my loving products, colleagues, everything that has been my life for the past year and 10 days.  I have had to let everything go.

I suppose I should be excited for the new journey, but I'm not.  I wanted to be given a choice to leave, not because I had to.

It's almost Christmas, and I have nothing.  No family, no partner, no job.  I feel like absolute crap.  Everyone in the house packing their gifts, bags, and getting ready to either see their loved ones or to start a new journey.  And I'm stuck here.  I have to move out in a week, and I don't even know where.  Sure, people have offered me to crash at their place, but do I really want to live like that?

I want a life, I want a future, I have ambitions, I want my life to be controlled by me.

Yes, I do have 2 company that I'm waiting to heard back from.  And yes, they are both very attractive in 2 different ways, and I do have friends that will keep me company whichever choice I decide to take.  But there is something in me, that's giving me the doubt, that I won't get either of the jobs.   But other than my long term goal of wanting to be a perfumer,  my overall ambition for anything else is low.

On top of that, it really doesn't help that I don't feel like I've finished my current work.  And it's making me really demotivated about everything.

I'm really grateful that all of my friends has been supporting me.  But I feel empty, lifeless like I'm going through a relation break up.

I guess I did love my work.  And hence why I'm having this feeling.
................................
..........................
......................
..................
...............
............
..........
........
......
....
...
..
..
.
.
oh great, just had a call from my agent for 1 of the job

Telling me they can't get hold of the manager and they don't even know if they can even get hold of the manager.

Just screw it,

honestly, SCREW IT.