Value of friends

It's a sad truth, but sometimes you just need to accept the fact that some people just don't share the same value of the person as much as yourself do to them.

It doesn't matter how long I have know them for. If they have no desire to see me, talk to me, then are we actually friends?

I fear the things I will lose.

By actually looking at the truth, and making the decision based on facts, it's very easy for a person to be left with very little things.

Maybe that is why in Buddhism say that to part with this life, to loose all the greed and desire. To live and appreciate the full life.

I'm still learning to live a life to be happy on my on. To rely less on others. But I can't help to get more and more selfish as I know a person for longer and better.

A Life

A life without a dream,

is like a bird without its wings,

is like a childhood without laughters,

is like a pancake without maple syrup,

is like a cat that doesn't purr,

is like a dance without passion,

is like a travel without adventures,

is like rose without its petals,

is like a friendship without love,

is like You not in my life.



Thank you everything for being in my life. Your love, your friendship, your kindness, your smiles,

You bring light into my life.

The Power of Social Network

I've decided to make Sunday night the cell phone and social network free day.

The problem with social network is that it's a waste of time. It seriously is.

It's as bad as watching tv.

The time passes without doing much.

As much as I love having friends, and chatting friends, there are day that I have to say STOP to this social network madness.

When I start looking 1 thing on net, I want to look at another, and then another and so on...

I've forced myself to not think, do something mindless, and stop caring about technology (minus blogging, this is different).

And how much I feel better now.

The whole 2 weeks, I've been on the social network less and less. Just because I didn't want to know that you were online, and had enough time to play games, but you still decided that writing one line of

"Hi"

or

"Good morning, I hope you have a good day"

is too much.

I'm sick of waiting already. I know this isn't part of the deal, but even as a friend, I feel like crap.

she said to me

"maybe it's time to let go"

And there is part of me that agrees with her. I don't know how I feel about him. I don't have much faith in him coz of what happened last time. And whether I'm doing this now because of me doing an unfinished business or simply coz my heart tells me to.

Poet asked me before

"how do you always get into these situations?"

He was referring to something else, but I can relate this into that too. And I simply don't know.

And how I wish for once, I want to be with someone who simply loves me.

Thank You Daddy Long Legs....

Some people in my life knows how to jump my heart.

Puts that butterfly in my stomach.

It is not the big presents I look for.

It is not the expensive cars I look for.

It is not the fanciest house I look for.

I look for something simple in my life, as litttle as someone you love saying good morning and good night.

My new life in the big smoke is not as scary now, knowing that you are there to stand by my side, no matter what happens.

I thank you for everything, I thank you for every minute of my life.

Thank you DaddyLongLegs.

Home is Where My Heart is....

I've always loved my home in this Aoteaora land.

Tauranga

My parents left this land a long time a go, and so did many of our friends. Some by choice, some not by choice. But Tauranga is wher my soul lies on any given day.

I drove up last thurs with the MadScientist from the windy Wellington, once again with a bit of drama! (oh why wouldn't there be with my boys anyway....)

The MadScientist drove up from the south, landing in Wellington on Wed night. We planned to drive up together over a week a go. But we just didn't have any set plans. So I asked him when he arrived,

"So, what the plan for tomorrow?"

"Oh, about that.... Well, I can give u a ride up to Auckland or Hamilton, and you'll need to bus from there coz there is going to be no room in my mum's car"

?????

I was confused.

So it turned out that he rented a car from the south island, and the drop off point is in Auckland, and his mother was driving up to pick him up, but the car is too small to fit his luggage and myself in it.... So on this rather last min emergency, I called my BigMama, explaining the situation....

Bingo! He took half a day off to come and pick me up from Cambridge so I don't have to wait for the stupid bus that always takes way too long to travel. Oh do I love him!

The weekend went past splendidly, just like the good old days. Fooling around in "the bus", wasting time with all the junk MadScientist have stashed away, and going to the beach on a ridiculous windy day but still kite boarding (it was strong enough to lift us off the ground!). The toys we have may have gotten slightly more expensive, but nothing else has really changed.

We also helped the MadScientist's mother pack their house. Her and her husband have a new job down in the south decided to rent the place out. When I stepped into the house, I got attacked by random emotions, having flash backs on all the times we spent in this house. And how happy me and MadScientist were together back in the days. Then I realised, this was the first time stepping into this house in 6 years. And I hardly came here after we broke up.

I guess he is my ex after all even after all these years.

It's crazy to think that we finished high school 8 years a go. For me, it still feels like yesterday. And also yesterday that I left this land for Singapore. 

I felt my body catching up with age when I was in Tauranga though. Every time I'm back at that place, we do same thing just because we don't want to admit that things have changed. But this time around, I can feel that my body is not tolerating as well as it used to. Be it for over eating (I never got sick off home made nachos before!) or exercise. But I'll just put that aside and ignore for a while....

I can't thank the MadScientist enough for being a good friend still, and how much I appreciate his company. It makes me sad to think he's no longer going to be on the same land, but I know we will meet again, sooner or later.

See you again my friend, love you loads.

Mr. P

A man gets off the mrt, with a bouquet of roses in his arms. I imagine who his lucky girl may look like....

 As I sat down in the mrt, and then I see a man on my left, sitting right in middle of two seats, hogging both of them. Then I see a ring on his finger and imagine what kind of unlucky girl he got hold of.....

I got an email today, a colleague from the chocolate factory. We used to have big times back then. Drinks almost every weekend and partied hard in every occasion. We did some "off" stuff together too. like going to watch the cage fighting right up at front seat, going for a drive to Wanaka to see the Birds over Wanaka (a warbird air show), and trip to bluff oyster festival. I won't deny that I did have a little crush on him back then. But we were to much of a

"eeeeew workmates????"

to give it a chance.

Just plain "P" is what we used to call him. It def helped me cos his full name was too hard to pronounce when I first heard!! And how awkward/funny it was to work beside him when he became my manager, and how hard it was to not call him "P" at work anymore.... Good memories though.

The OompaLoompa and I used to give him crap about how he gets "beer goggles". His lady of his dreams were a tall slender model like lady, high demanding to keep him company and tall enough to match his height. But with the goggles on..... Yeah, no comment!!

I knew he had a serious gf before and we even spotted him with her over and over with her even after they broke up. And he used to say

"there is nobody in the world like her, she is the only person that I ever wanted".

He def loved her with all he had. Minus his love and devotion for his work which ruined their relationship!

But yes, this man called "P", I was so happy to receive a news that he is getting married. And getting married next month!! And so typically of him to decide to invite me when it's only 2.5 weeks away!! Only if I was still in Singapore it was before I booked my departure flight then I would have given him a straight yes!!

He is one heck of a great man (and nice looks, and god damn on my spot perfume preference!! And how torturing it was to have meeting with him in a small room!!), and I can't be happier about this great news.

Yet I feel a little sad for the sake that another one of my ex-always a free spirit single friend is going to be on a leash....!

Def not a jealousy as such like "I wanted you!!" but more like a girl who got her teddies taken off her. I do love him, but def 100% as a good friend, and it feels a little lonely to know that he does have his own life and he's going forwards!!

Either way, CONGRATULATIONS Mr.P!

Back to Zero Again

I was starting to like living in Singapore, life over here in general. Having good company, having a challenging job, having a good hobby like traveling.

But I'm not so sure again.

I had a marvelous time in Korea. It's true that it was a very short time, but I should be glad it was so short, coz it would have made it harder if it was longer.

Until I got there, I kept going over and over and over about the moment when I see you. And when I finally got to see you, you didn't fail to beat my expectation. We hugged, and hugged and smiled at each other like we've been separated for decades. We met up at his work, I had to wait for 30min before his final class finished. While I waited, the girls at the reception told me how much Daddy was looking forward to my visit, and how jittery he's been all day. It made me smile.

We went for very late night shopping to make some supper, I can't explain the hilarity of this tall Daddy Long Legs standing in the tiny Asian kitchen, trying to cook. And it even get's better as the dinner was ready - he brought out the fold out table!!! Oh the small things that makes me laugh. We spent til the late hours of the morning talking to each other, even the weekly skype catch up wasn't enough to make us run out of things to talk. But we did eventually fell asleep into each other's arms.

The weekend just flew passed, we just cherished each other's company. We laughed, we talked, we danced. Nothing was that special, but doing something together just made it special. Being in the area where he spends his time. Being in the room that he relaxes. Being in the city that he lives in, every little thing made it special.

We held to each other until we had to separate. Even if we have a same feeling, there are something things in life that it can't work. And you just need to accept it. And whether I like it or not, this is one of them. As Daddy and myself always say "something are just meant to happen". Another words, if we are meant to be together, we will be together one day, but if we aren't meant to be together, then I'll just need to keep on walking, just like I've done til now.

But ever since I've been back in Singapore, it's hitting me again. The endless feeling of loneliness. I have good friends, I have a pretty good work. I have a roof over my head and stable income. What else should I ask for? But I can't help it to miss home. I miss my family and miss my friends. I've managed to ignore the loneliness of not having someone in bed, having to eat dinner alone, going out to shopping alone, moving on in life with my own two feet. But it doesn't take much to bring me down.

I don't want to be reliant on you, coz it's not fair. I've seen and experienced how the life treats you over in your country, yet you still appreciate your experience, and tells me how much you like Korea. I admire your strength. I know I can't do the same if I was in your position. You make me feel like a whining baby, screaming for nothing. I always wish for things that I do not have. A big heart like yours.

I shouldn't be complaining, I chose this life. I can end it any day if I want to. I know I can, but really, can I?

I just need to get back into the rhythm again and kill my feelings I think. It's the only way for me to keep on moving. I know I can do this.

Thank You

There are few people in my life that definitely made a big influence in my life. And Poet, you're definitely one of them.

I loved the way you danced right from the first time we danced (well, practically speaking, it was the second coz you don't remember our 1st time!), and I have never ever though I'd be dancing crazy like now when we met.

You taught me so many things, especially bachata and cuban salsa. You were so passionate back then, and everyone admired your passion too, and I was def one of them.

The existence and the relationship between dance partners are hard to explain to people who are not a dancer themselves. Dance partners does not have to be a relationship or life partner, but it needs to be someone you can trust, someone you can freely share an opinion with and comfortable with, someone you flow well with, and most importantly someone who you feel a chemistry with.

There is no doubt that I have danced with many many people up til now. But every time I did, and come back and dance with you, I always felt so much better and so comfortable in your lead, and appreciated the fact that you are my dance partner.  It was not just about liking the way you moved, but when we danced together, 1+1 became 3, we were able to BURN the floor.

You were one special dance partner. I didn't had to tell you to do anything, you almost read my mind. You flowed the way I wanted you to flow. Although our difference in taste of music were sometimes questionable, at the end of the day, we had one heck of a dance together in the past 12 months that I've known you.

Have you realised Poet? this weekend actually marked our 12 months of our dancing life. We had our first blast at your brother's birthday, the 1st Friday of October 2010.  Your siblings told me so much about this "dancing addicted brother" they have, over so many years, and I only finally met you for the first time in my final year in Dunedin, and our final year in New Zealand. It was definitely a pure luck that I found a job which happened to be in Singapore, and we even managed to compete together in this funny country.

I just want to thank you so much for everything you have given me til today. Your dancing shoes may be put on hold for now, but I'm going to keep on moving. I still wish that you could keep on moving with me, and forever if it was ever possible, but I guess it is time that "we" are no longer going to be "we".  Whatever your future holds, keep on moving, and I'll be waiting for you, on the dance floor if you ever decide to put your shoes back on again.

Love you lots, and will miss you loads, I know we will see each other still, but I won't pester you for dancing again. But IF, IF you ever do want to, you know where I will be. On the dance floor, dreaming of the days that I burnt the floor with you.

This song is forever yours.

~Hay Amores by Daniel Santacruz

Girl Friends

You know, my closest friends back in NZ are mainly guys (don't be offended JJ, you still beat them all!!), I like their straight honesty and stupid sense of humor and their activeness.

But then since I've met Frenzi, I've re-learnt the meaning of girlfriends. There is something about girls that guys cannot satisfy, but then saying that, a girl who is wacky enough to do the crazy adventures and spontaneous decisions are pretty damn hard to find. I mean, how many people besides me prefer a bungalow over a clean well maintained resort?

It is true that we've only met each other 3 months a go, but it feels like we've known for a lot longer for sure. But having a girlfriend to go to shopping with (not to a blingy brands fancy stores, but markets), and picnic with, AND a night over trip with? I def hit the jackpot of the forum community.

At our last dinner on Sunday, she asked me

"Do you think you'll find someone again on the forum??"


Me: I dunno.

The chance of meeting someone like Frenzi seems so faint, and I'm not too sure if i have enough energy to go through that selection process again. I mean come on, how many people even back home do you meet that you want to do everything with???!!!!

I absoloutely wished that her contract will be extended again, but it didn't.  But then I'm happy for her that she's returning to her loved ones again.  I will miss you loads, and looking forward to seeing you again.

Chapter 1 of our story may have put a period on the end, but chapter 2 will begin very soon.  Gonna miss you Frenzi, and au revoir til we meet again..... xox

Late night blog.....

Sometimes I feel like blogging at the most unsuitable time.... like now!

It's already past 1am, and I should really be sleeping but I feel like writing.

About what is a good question.

For once I'm not in a mood to write about how depressing I am.

Maybe a little something about Daddy?? yeah, that sounds about right.  I'm in a bit of a girly mood.

Well, first of all, I like his smiles.... it's as if there is nothing wrong with life.  He always makes the best of the worst situation, and puts a smile on your face.

And also, I love the fact that he doesn't find anything I care for useless or stupid.  Sometimes I laugh at myself for caring for those things, but he tells me it's ok to keep it close to me.

You know that he cares for you and and it's always the greatest feeling to be loved.  Even if he is 4669.27km away from me, I feel like I'm snuggling when I'm talking to him on our weekly skype session.

Oh yeah, I forgot that you actually have a link to this blog.  If you are reading this, I just wanna tell you that you're the BESTEST FRIEND EVER!!!! And love you long time! xox