The Day Which "I Wish" Has Turned Into "I Will"

I always had a "I wish" list,

Just like anyone would.

But then I thought to myself.

"Why does it still need to be a WISH?"

I may not be the richest person in the world, but there is nothing stopping me from turning a "wish" into  "yes I will".

I was looking at buying some furnitures, and somehow, it didn't even occur to me to buy one second hand.

Maybe it's something I have forgotten about a bit from being in Singapore and Japan. Two countries where you hardly ever see a word second hand, other than some high end antiques ofcourse.

But as I flicked my favourite magazine, NZ House & Garden - the country living edition, I thought about the lovely fabrics I bought very recently, and how I could arrange my room closer to something I always wished I could have.

Sure, I'll need to buy some sand paper and do all the rustic appearance myself. But seriously, why not?

And I just got excited from there. Ok, so there are few furnitures I could buy for very cheap.... And I can def spend some money on changing the handles to something I like.

And also use some of the fabric I bout to make some mattresses and containers for me to use on top....

I may not be a millionaire, but I have a fortunate gift of imagination which my parents has passed on to me.

4 month in this new city, and I'm starting to like my life a little more.

Closure

I never though I would have a closure for this guy.

He was like nobody I knew. I never had to fake myself in front of you.

We started off ugly, and you also manage to beat up every attempt on trust I had for you.

The dinner last night was probably the most civilized you I have ever seen since the time before we got together.

And I can see what others meant by when you're in a relationship, you do love the person, and only the person.

But you came too late.

You asked me


"You never trusted me did you?"


The answer is


"no, I trusted you, but you broke my trust every single time".


All I wanted was 1 word out of you. Just to say that you're not in it just for the benefits.

It was so easy, yet it was 1 thing you just refused to do.

I never asked you to settle down,

I never asked you to be in a "relationship"

but instead, you told me


"we can change from friends to friends with benefits".


I may act like a bro, but I am still a girl.

I still see the attraction I saw on him, and I do enjoy his company, but it's not the same.

All the other guys I meet, it only puts 1 man on my mind now. And everyone else just seems so washed away. And you're not the exception.

Crazy cat, I can almost say I loved you. But you missed the biggest chance.

I won't say you don't have any chancee, but what you lost, you better try twice as hard to get it back if you really want it.

A candle lit dinner and your compliments are not enough anymore.

You Smile

It amazes me each time, how one smile of yours ensures me each time, that you are actually there.

And will always be there for me every time I need someone.

Just one look at your smile, made me forget that 2 weeks was nothing. And that you truely were busy this whole time.

And I should know this by now, that when you promise me that you won't hurt me, you are never going to hurt me.

But I guess it's more of a trauma.

The difference between now and then is huge, so I shouldn't keep on looking at the past and think that it's going to happen again.

Yet again, I hate myself for having to do so over and over.

But right now, I am thankful for your smile,

and 1 thing is for sure.

I miss you even more than ever.

I'm here.

I think to myself,


"just one more day, one more chance"

And everything will be fine.

 But every day, every time I think of that, you beat my expectation, and let me down again.

I don't want to force you, yet I hate it when you can't keep your promises.

Are you actually forgetting your promises or you just pretend you don't remember.

You told me last time you forget easily, but sometimes, I wish I was important enough that you don't.

I know your highest priority isn't me.

And you have way too many people you love, but please,

Don't forget about me.

I miss you

The Power of Social Network

I've decided to make Sunday night the cell phone and social network free day.

The problem with social network is that it's a waste of time. It seriously is.

It's as bad as watching tv.

The time passes without doing much.

As much as I love having friends, and chatting friends, there are day that I have to say STOP to this social network madness.

When I start looking 1 thing on net, I want to look at another, and then another and so on...

I've forced myself to not think, do something mindless, and stop caring about technology (minus blogging, this is different).

And how much I feel better now.

The whole 2 weeks, I've been on the social network less and less. Just because I didn't want to know that you were online, and had enough time to play games, but you still decided that writing one line of

"Hi"

or

"Good morning, I hope you have a good day"

is too much.

I'm sick of waiting already. I know this isn't part of the deal, but even as a friend, I feel like crap.

she said to me

"maybe it's time to let go"

And there is part of me that agrees with her. I don't know how I feel about him. I don't have much faith in him coz of what happened last time. And whether I'm doing this now because of me doing an unfinished business or simply coz my heart tells me to.

Poet asked me before

"how do you always get into these situations?"

He was referring to something else, but I can relate this into that too. And I simply don't know.

And how I wish for once, I want to be with someone who simply loves me.

Silence

I look at the photo and how I wish it was me who was there.

I look at the photo and how I wish it was mine in your arms.

I look at the photo and can't help feeling the love for you.

Just wishing and wishing and wishing.....

It's been a long 2 weeks of silence. I know you are busy, and I know you have more than a bit on your hand.

But I can't ignore the feeling that gives me a sharp pain in my heart.

Telling me that I miss you too much.

I've learnt to ignore, and pretend I am ok.

But how I wish you noticed that I learnt it coz of you.

Young and Ruthless

I don't know how I survived my teenage years,

Everything was so much easier back then, and doing it now, it's just not the same....

I cannot say I miss the youth, but I definitely feel the age hitting our body once in a while.

The price we pay for a night of fun is a lot more than those glorious days...