Memories

Sometimes we all get trapped within our memories, and wish that things were different, or we did something different back then. But then sometimes, we open our old book of memory and realize something you've forgotten about.

I only remembered today that my chat software has an automatic save for all the chats from the past.

And it was a strange surprise to find out that myself and EuroTraining was still in touch even in good terms right up almost til the day that we ended all our connections.

I still remember being scared of seeing him each time we did. And I remember more of bad memories than good memories that I had with him. I hardly can remember the nice things he used to do for me, and now I feel a bit embarrassed for it. I know a lot of the times, he didn't mean the stuff he did, and he was good to me. Otherwise I would never have considered marrying him at any stage. But I stopped wondering about "what if things are different".

I was recently translating a script for a friend, and it was about a man who lost his girl friend and got stuck in trap of time, not wanting to create new memories because of this one conversation he had with her

"If we have a capacity of how much memories we can have, then the more new memories we create, more it overwrites the old and erases them".

So he refused to change his lifestlye so he will not forget about her.

I think my life after EuroTraining left me is a bit like that. But now I am glad that we have an ability to forget so we can move on.

My old boss told me one day about this man who remembers 100% of his memories, and how he cannot forget anything even if he had wished. And after he broke up with his only girlfriend he ever had, he couldn't get over it. Because his memories are still fresh, and still raw. It still gives him pain 30 years on about the moment she left him, just as if it was only yesterday. And for him, it just feels like that.

I'm thankful I'm not like that. Despite the fact that yes, he may have been the man of my life, I enjoy my life the way it is right now. I got to meet all these great friends I have now because I did not go on the same path with him.

There are things you sometimes only learn because you are no longer in the relationship. These days I wonder if I'll ever meet a man to spend rest of my life with, but I may also be happy even if I didn't. With all these amazing friends that I have all over the world.

I guess I am a little emotional today, but it doesn't hurt to be trapped in old lost memories once in a while. It is everything that made me the person that I am today.