Time over time, I always re-appreciate how lucky I am.
To be in this beautiful country that I can call home, with beautiful friends that I love.
When I first moved back to auckland, I thought
"Nothing can be worse than living in Singapore"
But then as I walked around literally all over Auckland, looking for flats, I started to think
"Maybe it can be"
I still don't like the amount of cars and people over here, and some areas definitely do not make me feel too great about walking around by myself. And the noise!
But then at some time, a 10 min drive from main centre of Manukau, I am walking across paddocks with sound of sheep and looking all the way down to the Auckland city centre during sunset, and re-assuring me that I am for sure, NOT in Singapore.
I could not breathe when I was in Singapore, and I lost my balance between myself and and my life.
But a moment of peace like that, makes me feel that I can do it again.
Many people think I am a stubborn girl who walks my ways. And I am, probably stronger than many girls I know too, but yet I do feel vulnerable by myself.
A new career is about to start in 3 days, and I don't want to screw it up again. And I am, in fact, scared of failures.
If I can do 1 year at this company, I think I can get my confidence back. I've already been made redundant once, and had to resign the second time. It's been more than 10 years since I've been in a job that I was working more than a year, sometimes it makes me feel like that I am a failure, and there is something wrong with me. Not being able to stick up to what everyone can.
If it was't for my friends that supported me this whole time, I don't think I could have stayed alive. And I mean it. I had great friends that was there for me at the right time, making me stop from giving up on my life. And I owe everything to them, and a lifetime to make up for them if they are ever in need of help.
New life, new journey one again. Hopefully starting with a clean slate.
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