New Beginning

It's been a while since I last blogged. It is so hard to have some time to myself these days...

So I've handed in my resignation to my lovely work. Then I started to wonder whether it was too early to pull out my card. Because after I came back from my break, I truely was ok to get back into work again. But then 2 weeks on from being back at work, I think I've finally figured out my main cause of stress from living in Singapore.

CHINESE.

Not just any Chinese (Mandarin), but with Singaporean accent. I came to realisation that when the level (or percentage) of Chinese being spoken at work reaches this certain percentage, I start to get irritated. I used to only get this in the weekends or when I was with my friends before, I didn't like it when others start speaking in language I have no idea about and not being able to engage into conversations.  And how much I can not tolerate the sound of the accent. It sounds so stressful and pushy and fast and there is nothing relaxing about the tone of Singaporean Mandarin!

Now for the past week, one of the colleague was in Taiwan for family vacation, so the number of people in the lab became only 4. 2 Japanese (including myself), 1 Philippino, 1 Singaporean. So there was much much higher percentage of English being spoken at work, and how relaxing it was at work. Now that colleague is back (she's actually 1 of the senior), the boss and the manager somehow likes to come into the lab and forever chat, make noise, and distract for bloody long and be annoying as hell. When you are trying to work and there are people around you just trying to do everything to disturb you, it gets rather irritating. The whole day, I started feeling off again, and found myself counting down til Xmas, til the new years, til the end of work period.

I've realised how weak I am since I've been here. I though I could suck it up and keep on going, but then I guess 1 thing I will never do again is to move to another country of no plans to stay long term. I could have learnt chinese whilst I was here, but then like my previous posts, refusing myself to "adapt" or "settle in" to this country contributed to not wanting learn. I know my kiwi-ness will never go away, but I do wonder why I was trying to keep it so tight with me. I think there are few things I could have done to make myself comfortable living here, but it's really in the world of "what comes out at the end of the day?"

Living in NZ was perfect, I don't know why I ever wanted to leave that country. It had everything I wanted. I guess I was a little gold fish in a bowl that wanted to see the ocean.

Now the only thing I really look forward to is for that day, that I will return to NZ, to live in the country I love so much in the lifestyle that I love so much. Only if my parents would move back again, things will be just ever be so perfect.

My dear old friend MadScientist randomly  chatted to me the other night. Grumbling about how his silly little brother made a flight booking and mistaking am with pm. Every time I talk to him, I feel at home, we don't really talk about the big this and that type of thing, but everything is so casual. Actually, we do talk about big things like how he was in china the week before and over in Europe and this conference and that conference. But then no matter when I talk to him, I guess I have a trust in him that I will never fall apart with his friendship. Whether I talk to him every day or once a year, he is still there, in good old fashion style that will not change, no matter where he is in the world. I wish I was like him. I wish I was as strong as him and knew myself enough like him.

I'm slightly glad that I have let go a part of my dream. I didn't realise til now how much it was pressuring me until now. That one dream I was running towards for the past 6 years. It seems like such a long time, but I have absolutely no regret about letting it go. But I am more excited about going around the world. I know for sure that money really doesn't matter anymore. It is there to be used and to experience and not just save up forever.

I plan to make a trip of south east asia before I leave this part of the world and then off to Japan, which I hope to organise Visa to see rest of the world. Which I'm hoping strongly it will either be UK or Canada. But I will see how this road will lead me.

This chapter called Asian Experience was rather short, but it has taught me many many things. And I'm just ready for a new chapter once again.