It's been raining all day today, and on top of that it was my blue day. I get it once in a while. For no particular reason, I feel sad and depressing, and all I want to do is to hide in my room. But I had to pack, I only have few days to go in this house....
I always hated packing.
Not because it takes so long or the effort I have to put into it, but it feel quite lonesome every time I move. Especially if I have to move cities.
When I pack, I always have to find the stuff I didn't want to see again, yet there is still me who can't throw them away. Old photos, a wooden beaded bracelet that I made for him but took back after the break up, a necklace that I got given for Christmas.... I opened the box that the stuff was kept in for the first time in over a year and a half, and the discolouring of the necklace or the dusty scent on the bracelet gives me a reminder that so much time has gone passed since then.
I took the necklace out and put it on.... I still remember the time he brought them for me, and how I didn't want to take it off even at work. But when I did put it on today, it just felt like a thick chain, chocking my neck, almost making me suffocate myself. I was so close to throwing the whole thing away, and yet I still can't, even when I know for sure that there will never be a day that I'll put them on again.
My chapter in Dunedin is going to end in very short time.
I'm one of the last person left in Dunedin, and because there is hardly anybody here to miss me, me leaving this city almost makes me feel like the person called me is going to disappear all together, like I never existed in this town......
A lot of things happened in this place.
I came down here in 2007, nervous as hell, didn't know what to except. I lived with 2 other girls, leaving parents place for the first time in my life. Although the first half a year was not much else than getting used to the whole place and the university, I still made good friends, that I ended up spending my 3 years of university together with. Despite how much I hated my study in 2007 and failed 3 papers and passing 4, the result is definitely not something to be proud of, but there was nobody else but myself to blame for.
First ski trip to Wanaka was in June with all the old high school friends, possibly the best week I could have had possibly spent. Then in August 2008, I met my love of university and the other great friends that brightened up my years of University. And we roadtripped with the gangs, and when we got back from the trip, me and my love (aka EuroTraining) got together at a ball and stayed together until 2009.
In 2008, although I failed half of my papers in the previous year, I was given a permission to do a 2nd year paper along side all the re-do of my first year papers. I made more friends in my department, who I spent almost every day together with whether there was any lectures or not, and lived with 2 of the greatest Malaysian girls. One of them fed us with the most yummiest foods, and her character was so pleasing to live with. And the other was so out going on the outside but so shy on the inside, but I definitely chose the best random flat to live in.
Then my parents decision to move back to Japan. I still miss them heaps and wish constantly that they were in NZ. Although Japan is my home country, my home in my heart is Tauranga, and I feel like a foreigner when I go back to Japan.
2009 was my toughest year, starting with the break up. After a long time of being asked about my commitment, I was finally about to answer to EuroTraining that I want to be with him for ever, we broke up without a warning. I turned my back on my dream to be with him, and we broke up.
I had nothing.......
Months of sleepless nights, loss of appetite, excessive socialising and studying, and depression, I thought my life meant nothing, and wanted to disappear forever. I broke into tears if I ever run into him, yet I still looked for him with corner of my eyes. The place we always studied together, his house, his friends place, computer labs, everywhere and anywhere. But every time I saw him happy, I got a sharp pain reminding myself that he doesn't care about me anymore.
But eventually, I started walking on my own two feet, and started dancing. I always loved Ceroc, but never managed to convince EuroTraining to dance with me hence why I didn't start dancing in Dunedin any earlier. I didn't think I was going to be this addicted to dancing back then. When I graduated the University and got the contract with the chocolate facotry, I committed myself to compete in 2010. This year, I also got to know BabyFace properly. Although we've been "classmates" for over a year, we only talked to each other properly in this year, and he definitely enlightened my life. The number of late night movies, and random walks, he made me feel like back in high school again. I officially gained my minion.
In 2010, my best friend of 13 years got married. it's still hard to believe that she is, but she is. I got to be the honourable brides maid, and struggled to hide my tears throughout the ceremony. She was the most beautiful bide I've ever met in my life. We got to spend a whole week together before the wedding, and I felt so lonely to let go of my friend. It almost felt like I was getting my friend taken away from me, but now I'm just so happy that she met her love of her life.
My life at the chocolate factory was interesting, got thrown into the deep end right from the beginning, but eventually found a way to float to the top. I finally felt at ease to find people to hold a mature relationship with too. Although I do adore my university friends, I still find myself more comfortable with the maturer working people standing on their own two feet. Although whether every weekend of drinking and clubbing is called mature - that will be a hard question.....
2010 was filled with dancing, South Island Championship in April, followed by Otago Dance sport in August, East and South in September. Days after days after days of practice, and so much fun. Triples, Freestyle, Battle of the sexes, showcase, so much accomplished yet so much more to learn still....
And also meeting Jack. I would probably wouldn't have got to know him properly if I didn't dance. Someone with a same passion and clicks so well. Him and his addiction of salsa and bachata is definitely influential.
And now, it's 2011..... My 4 years of Dunedin is going to make a closure. So much happened in the last 4 years, all the ups and downs of my life. Where to next? I still don't know. All I know for sure is that in a short while, I will be leaving, with a suitcase, to open a book of new journey.....
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