Dream

The other night, I had a bit of a doze off on the bus, and dreamt about my mother, calling my name.

I can't explain devastation I had when I woke up, on the cold bus surrounded by silent people and the glowing dim light of the bus.....

But then I just realised today, I actually haven't been dreaming at all since I've left NZ.  My father used to say, having a dream is not always a good thing coz scientifically speaking, your brain is still active and not getting a proper sleep.  But then I'm surprised that I'm not having any dreams with all the worries and stress I have over here. Either that or I'm getting too old to remember what I dreamed??

I used to like seeing dreams.  I was excited to go to bed, although sometimes woke up screaming with nightmares.  And there is also sometimes I dream and don't know if it really happened or if it was just a dream.

The life now seems like like I'm in a dream coz nothing feels that real.  But then what ensure you that this is real life and it's not just a dream?? I may wake up one day realizing that I was only trapped in matrix for 25 years of my life..... meh who knows

Past Is A Past BecauseYou Can't Change It....

I can't help it to miss you.

It is a past and it is a memory, but I still look for your existence.

I wish every moment in my life that I was in your arms again....

I need to sleep, I want to sleep but I can't get to sleep.....

Yup, it's one of those nights!!

I actually fell asleep at about 9pm tonight for about 40min, which was probably the reason why I can't sleep right now. And it is a tad a bit hotter than usual.

I once wrote a blog about "Settling in Singapore" but then decided not to actually post it coz it was depressing.  I was just in denial about the fact that I am now in Singapore, not New Zealand, and this is now my new home.

But I don't mind it anymore. 

In fact, I'm starting to enjoy my life again.  The only thing that changed over the past couple of weeks is the fact that I moved to a new place, and now have my own space, own time, own everything.  AND I LOVE IT.

I'm happy to the point that I'm dancing with all the music I hear.

I'm happy to the point I'm looking forward to waking up each morning.

I'm happy to the point that I want to explore outside.

I'm happy to the point that i want to meet more people.

I THINK I'M FINALLY SETTLED IN

TCM to the core

I'm sick.

Sick to the point that I don't think I can get out of my bed sick.

For the last 2 days, panadol has been my absolute best friend. My provation contract tells me that I'm not allowed to take a sick leave, so I got no choice to work.  But yes, a coughing cold/flu in a food company, testing micro.... yeah that's a good combination alright! And also, to even take 1 day of sick leave, I have to go to the doctors.  Now come on, it's only 1 flipping day!! and I'm sure your cold will get worse if you go out and wait and wait and wait to see a doctor instead of staying at home and resting!

But yes, I think I learnt that panadol will definitely get rid of your headache and fever alright, but instead, it worsened my back pain, which in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) term, it's called "cooling the body" I mean, it's taking heat away from body so yeah, that was expected but man the pain! But yeah, anyhow, work is work, I had to do it.

So it's Saturday today, and it's the first weekend in my new home and I can't furnish my place or go and shop for things I need yet.  Fun times.

The only down side to TCM is that you need to make it yourself.  They provide you with this mixture of herbs, but at the end of the day, you have to cook it down into a medicine, and I had 1 problem: I HAVE NO COOKING TOOLS.  I was allowed to use the pots in the kitchen, but I haven't used the kitchen yet, and don't even know how to use the stuff there. And here I am, sick as hell.  And secondly, I have no measuring cup.

I called dad for SOS, and hoped that he will subscribe me with a med that doesn't require making (i.e. powder or granule form), but that was not the choice.  And got mocked for not even having a ruler with me so at least I can make an estimation of the volume of mug cups in the house.  But then saying that, why do you carry around a ruler with you??? I have a pen and paper, what else do i need? Things called laptop and cell phones do too much job these days I guess.

But yes, after searching the house from top to bottom, I found...... A RICE CUP!!!! with measurements!!!  So there I was, cooking the medicine away, and the best part: you even start to feel better by taking in the fumes while making it.  Especially if your cold involves headache and coughs. And after actually taking it??? I haven't felt this better in last 3 days!!

So the lesson to be learnt: Stick to what you life has been provided with for the past 24 years, and you won't go wrong with it.

Anyway, this blog is so all over the place, but I don't care. As I said, I'm sick.

Being ungraceful

It is great when someone gives you a hand to help you, and I will be grateful for.

But sometimes, enough is enough.  I don't like being told:

When to shower
When to brush my teeth
What to do in my weekend
Get a lecture about my life and/or love life
Get a lecture on how to work
And everything!!


Living with people that is not your family is def the hardest thing to do.  But if you do, you have to respect eachother for the fact that each person is INDIVIDUAL.

I will do my chores, but why do you need to decide for me when to do it? I don't like wasting my morning watching TV with beer in one hand wasting my time.  Yet you tell me I didn't do my chores coz I went out since you didn't want to do it!

I'm tired from work, I'm hating my current work, I'm already getting told off every day at work.  I don't want to come home and be told about the fact that we got home late.

WE KNOW

I don't want to hear you complain about you doing our laundries, coz

I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO

You may be about my father's age, but

I AM NOT YOUR DAUGHTER


You can boss her around coz she is your girlfriend, you know her much better than you know me

BUT I AM NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND

It is definitely time for me to find my own home....

Looking for the stars

I'm looking for the stars that I don't see

I'm looking for the stars that is supposed to be there.

But all I see is the city lights

And all I hear is the sound of over speeding cabs

It's past midnight, although it's a sat night, you'd think there would be some kinda peace but no.

There is nothing wrong with this country, but there is something wrong with me.

I miss the humanities and the warmth of the people.

I said I'll get there no matter whatever it takes, but living the life knowing it's not where I belong, it sux. Give me 2-3 years, I'm getting out of here.

Other me

Slowly, I see the other me appear, part by part....

first I see the face.... 


and the cheeks..... 


forehead and nose.....


then the eye lids....


lashes......


eye brows......


the lip.....

As I close my eye and open again, I see the other me staring back at me.  So I smile at her, and tell her that she looks beautiful tonight.

Then I sit in front of my laptop and continue watching the unfinished dvd...... in my baggy t-shirt and pj bottom, and a cup of hot tea in one hand, biscuit on the other.